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Spanking- more than just a red bottom.

One thing that I have found with people who have always fantasized about being spanked, but have never actually received a spanking, is that the actual pain is something that is often left out of the fantasy.  On many occasions I have been faced with administering someone’s first spanking, with them being overly optimistic in regards to how hard they wanted to be spanked. 

A perfect example is a one of the very few models that we spanked on camera and her scene never appeared on any website.  In her first interview, she professed the need for a very hard spanking and stated that she had waited her whole life for this very moment.  As a producer, this is the kind of thing we love to hear in an interview.  When the day came for her shoot, I did the secondary interview that I do with all models before their first shoot.  At this point they have already been hired, but I find it important to spend at least 30 minutes with each new model before she is actually spanked.  I cover a lot of things in this initial interview, but most of it focuses on emphasizing the importance of good communication between the model and the spanker and producer.  As we began to discuss scene ideas, she was very clear in expressing her desires to be spanked in a way that felt like a real punishment.  She did not like the idea of a safe word for the first spanking (something that is mandatory with any first time model’s, first scene).  She also pushed for us spanking her with something other than just a hand.

It was clear that she had several years’ worth of spanking fantasies in her head and she just couldn’t wait to begin fulfilling them.  I did not budge in regards to the first scene and told her that her profile will be done just as we do them all.  I did tell her that if all went well with her profile that the next scene could involve a wooden paddle applied over her pants and panties.  She finally gave in on the hand spanking, but made it clear that if she took the paddling, she wanted it on the bare.  I told her that we would see how she did on the first scene and go from there.  Both Dee and I were quite excited to have hot new model that was looking for a real punishment spanking.

As many of you know, the “Punishment Profiles? on Realspankings.com are not only the softest spankings we administer, they are really the only light scenes we do.  To be honest, they are the type of scenes that I personally hate to watch on video, but for us, it is a very important part of the process and it allows us to work a model into harder spankings slowly.  It also gives us a very good idea of what this model is capable of receiving.

So, the profile began as it always does, a gentle handspanking while otk.  Typically a model gets a one minute handspanking otk, and then we stop to see how she is doing.  If all is well, we then change positions and increase the severity of the spanking slightly, and finally ending with a few decent smacks laid on hard.  Less than 20 seconds into her light spanking, she signaled that she needed Dee to stop.  This never happens, so I was a bit concerned.  After a brief chat, she assured us that she was just nervous and that we should start again.  Once again, just a few smacks into it, she asked Dee to stop.  I shut down the equipment and sat her down for a little talk.  It all boiled down to the fact that she did not think it would hurt as much.  Trying not to make her feel bad, I felt I had to let her know that she hadn’t really even been spanked, and that even companies that feature fun little spankings, spank at least twice as hard as what she had received.  Before the completion of even her first scene, she was no longer a spanking model.

Clearly, her fantasies did not include pain.  Everything about a spanking turned her on in her fantasies, but she never considered how much a spanking can actually hurt.  In this case, it was more than just that spankings hurt; she definitely had a very low pain tolerance.  This leads me to the point that a spanking is more than just the physical application of pain.  I think this is where most men that are not into spanking get it wrong when attempting to spank a woman who has asked to be spanked.  It is not just about pain, there is a very detailed and complicated dynamic involved for most women (and men) who want to be spanked.  This model had fueled an entire lifetime of spanking fantasies without ever knowing what it felt like.  She had stated in her interview that all she thought about when masturbating was being spanked, but clearly it went way beyond just her butt being smacked repeatedly. 

For those men out there that are trying to help their ladies explore spanking, but are not into it themselves, they need to realize that there is much more involved than a hand hitting a butt.  The person being spanked wants to feel like they are in trouble.  They want to have a sense of a strict but caring disciplinarian punishing them for their own good, to teach them a proper lesson.  They want to feel forgiveness when it is all over.  They want to feel loved, cared for, and punished all at the same time.  They are not looking to be humiliated (well sometimes they are), they want to feel like someone is taking the time to help guide them on their way.  If your wife has asked you out of the blue to spank her, think beyond her red butt and consider the overall dynamics of a real situation such as this.

Pain is but a very small part of the whole spanking experience.  If I was still in the situation in which I punish girls off camera for real life offenses, I am confident that I could have created a scene for this model that would have fulfilled every one of her spanking fantasies, and I believe I could do it without ever spanking her.  By creating the right dynamic, establishing control and dominance, and putting her in the mental place she was looking to go, I am confident she could experience everything she was looking for emotionally.  The punishment could simply have involved some forced nudity and corner time, without her butt ever getting smacked.  A red butt is an important part of a spanking, but all by itself, it is just a red butt.  Take the time to learn what your partner is looking for, she will thank you for it.


Posted by Michael Masterson on 07/06 at 03:35 PM

Comments:

I wonder if she WOULD have been satisfied with a disciplinary scenario that didn't involve spanking, given that her fantasies were so specific to spanking, not just general domination or power exchange. Maybe a substitute would have been acceptable. Or maybe nothing would have done except a spanking that didn't hurt (in other words, a series of light pats, whether with hand or paddle, that would have been under even HER pain threshold).

I REALLY wonder what happened after she left. Was she crushed to discover that her lifelong fantasy was (extremely) unsatisfying when it came true? Did she blame YOU? ("They just didn't spank me RIGHT!") That would have been a natural (though irrational) thing to do. Did it make her sexually dysfunctional? (She'd found out she didn't like the thing she wanted; that's gotta mess with your head.) Or, and this is the theory I find most likely, did she (and does she to this day, probably) continue to fantasize about spanking, but now knows that it's ONLY a fantasy, that she shouldn't try to DO anything about it?

I have an analogous experience -- well, I think it's analogous, no one else may. I've been fascinated by firearms ever since I was a child. I had a lot of toy guns, and assumed I would enjoy shooting at a firing range. But when, as an adult, I finally got to do it, I didn't like it at all. It was noisy and fumey and expensive and I could never get the patches to come out clean when cleaning the barrel afterwards. So I still am fascinated by firearms and like to THINK about shooting them, but I know better than to actually DO it. Sometimes fantasy is like that.
Posted by  on  07/06  at  10:32 PM | #
Michael,

This is a very profound insight.

I remember one spanking partner who told me, "the pain is irrelevant." Of course she had a very high pain tolerance. But it wasn't how hard I spanked her that really mattered.

It was whether she felt that I meant it -- or, as you put it, that she was in trouble and I was serious about disciplining her because of her behavior and/or attitude.

What you say is well worth remembering for anyone giving adult spankings.
Posted by  on  07/07  at  12:02 PM | #
"They want to have a sense of a strict but caring disciplinarian punishing them for their own good, to teach them a proper lesson. They want to feel forgiveness when it is all over. They want to feel loved, cared for, and punished all at the same time."

Brilliantly put.
For me, it's about feeling secure inside very clear boundaries. I think for a lot of subbies (or those with a spank fetish) it's a lack of boundaries that frighten them and leave them feeling insecure and unsure of the world around them. Knowing where the lines are drawn and being firmly reprimanded when the lines are crossed is reassuring.
It is a lot deeper than a red butt, indeed.
Posted by introspectre  on  07/11  at  12:30 PM | #
Great post...you definitely captured a fairly elusive concept.
Posted by Lindsey.  on  10/23  at  10:28 AM | #

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