Why Spanking
A new article I wrote for a free guide to spanking to appear at realspankings.com. Thought I would post it here first.
Why Spanking?
The first question that most people that are not “into” spanking ask, is why spanking? There are so many reasons that spanking is appealing to consenting adults as a way to spice up their love life. At its very root, I think the simplest answer is that it takes the concept of general dominance and submission, which many couples practice in some form, to the next level. Many couples probably do not believe that they are dominant or submissive in their sexual behavior, but I think it exists on many levels. It can be as simple as a “rough sex”, fingernails down the back, a tug of the hair, or pinning her/his arms during sex. For the slightly more adventurous, they may have gone as far as using a couple of neckties or handcuffs for some light bondage. Even the use of a blindfold is a gentle form of dominance and submission. The truth is, when freed from the conservative teachings of the past, just about everyone would like to enjoy a little more kink in their life than they admit to.
Let’s take for example what I see to be the most “socially acceptable” form of dominance and submission that most men and women have at least watched take place, the “cum shot”. Why does every single porn video feature a “cum shot”? Do women really like to have their face sprayed with a man’s semen? Would a man rather have an orgasm with his penis in his hand (which he does regularly) or inside a woman? Do the watchers or porn (mostly men) have a desire to see things spraying out of a penis as a form or excitement? I would argue that no is the answer to all of these questions. I feel that the popularity of the “cum shot” has to do with a man exercising dominance over a woman. Here in his hand is the very essence of his manhood and he is doing with it whatever he wants. Not only that, but he is demonstrating his power by spraying it on her face, in her eyes, nose, mouth, and wherever else he wants. The reality of this situation is that for the woman, it is kind of gross and degrading (not to say that there is not the possibility of her finding this appealing). So why does every porn feature the orgasm in such a way? Because for whatever reason, this has become a socially acceptable form of a male exercising his dominance over a women. In the real world, during a one night stand, you are far more likely to have success in smacking a woman’s bottom than you are in trying to spray your semen all over her face.
As we explore the act of dominance and submission in the bedroom a little further, we start to see more physical acts of dominance. It may be as simple as the use of a blindfold. We have physically taken away someone’s sight, which now puts one person clearly in control and adds a level of trust. It may seem simple, but the act of putting on a blindfold makes one person in charge and the other person under their control to a certain degree. The moment a blindfold is attached, the person wearing it has become the “submissive” and the other person “dominant”. As we progress in this exploration, we move on to things in which there is more actual physical control. For many, this comes about with the gentle pinning of the arms or pulling of the hair. We have now a situation in which someone is physically dominating the other. Pinning a woman’s wrists to the bed while having sex is demonstrating control, strength and power. It shows that he is in charge by engaging in an act that in most other situations in life could be considered illegal. Here he is physically demonstrating that in this situation, at this moment, during this passionate act, he will take control and do it the way he wants. He is not just having sex, he is demonstrating sexual control over her body. Another basic form of this same act is pulling of the hair, but this adds one more basic element of dominance and submission…pain. By pulling the hair, he is once again demonstrating sexual control of the situation, but things are escalated slightly in that he may be providing mild discomfort at the same time. Once again, in the real world, you are not allowed to physically restrain a woman and cause her any amount of pain or discomfort. But in the comfort of the bedroom, during a highly passionate act, pulling her hair demonstrates sexual control of her and her body. The addition of a slight amount of discomfort further emphasizes that point. Without really hurting her, by pulling her hair he is clearly saying, “I will do what I want with you and you will gladly accept it”. Pulling the hair seems harmless enough, but it truly exemplifies sexual dominance and submission at its very core.
These acts that I have described touch more on the emotional and psychological elements of dominance and submission. There are implied elements of control that take place as a result of these acts, with a gentle physical force that further emphasizes them. The next level involves elements of discomfort all the way through to very real pain. These acts can include tight and restrictive bondage, hot wax, pinching the nipples, anal sex, and anything from erotic spanking to full body flogging. What makes this more exciting for many people is that we still have a heavy psychological element, but now we begin to touch upon new and sometimes very arousing physical elements. Let me start by saying that everyone, to a certain degree, likes varying amounts of pain. Pain is a sensation, one that we traditionally try to avoid. But pain applied to an erogenous area of the body, can indeed become pleasure. Take a look at what I see as the most basic desire for pain that a female (males as well) has, which is nipple stimulation. In my experience, when a woman is close to, or actively having an orgasm, the nipples can be (and want to be) pinched hard. Pinching the nipples with the same amount of force at any other time during the day, would cause her to scream out in very real pain. So, does it hurt any less when she is having an orgasm? I would argue that it does not. But, when everything is just right, endorphins are being released, the body is processing this pain in a much different manner… it becomes stimulating and exciting. In this situation, it is not just about a man exerting his dominance over a woman, it is also about the physical sensations. This point is demonstrated by the fact that on many occasions, I have watched women gently caress their own nipples during masturbation, only to squeeze them hard as they achieve an orgasm. This has nothing to do with dominance and everything to do with intense physical sensations that stimulate an erogenous area. Hot wax being poured onto sensitive and sexual parts of the body has a similar effect. At first it burns, but it also seems to bring all of the nerve endings in that area into play to create new and exciting sensations. I would argue that anal sex is very similar in nature. That part of the body is full of nerve endings, but not ones that are traditional associated with pleasure. The act of anal sex wakes up a lot of nerve endings in the entire region and can create unbelievable physical sensations, even without contact direct contact of the clitoris or vagina. Spanking works in a very similar way.
Let’s start off with a basic demonstration. Clap your hands together, very hard, ten times. Not like you are clapping at a play or concert, but as hard as you can, so you can really feel the burn. Hurts a bit doesn’t it? We don’t normally clap our hands together that hard because it hurts. But now wait a minute, what do you feel now? Maybe a strange tingly sensation, not so much of a burning now, not quite pleasure, but no longer pain? It is a new and different sensation in your hands that has caused them to tingle in a different way. You have definitely brought some nerve endings into play in your hands that you do not normally feel. If you did it hard enough, your body may have even begun to produce some endorphins to combat the pain. I am not trying to convince you that this feels good or has brought you pleasure; my point is by stimulating your hands in a new way, you have created a new sensation and your body has reacted accordingly. Now imagine that same tingly sensation that your hands feel, in an area of your body where tingling is a little more appreciated. This is the simplest way I can explain why some people find it physically pleasurable to be spanked. Smacking the hands together did not produce anything but pain, but a few seconds to a minute later certainly provided you with a new sensation.
To be blunt, the nerve endings in your bottom have some very direct connections to your genitalia. It is not some crazy myth invented by horny men that spanking can physically increase sexual pleasure. Being spanked can increase blood flow to the whole region, excite nerve endings that were clearly bored and are glad to be alive and kicking, increase the body’s flow of endorphins (endorphins and spanking discussion continued here), and just make you excited. It is not that while your bottom is being spanked that you are experiencing pleasure, it is the results of the spanking that leads to the pleasurable response in other places. For many, spanking goes well beyond this, but the truth is, even without some the role play, the disciplinary elements, the dominance and submission, the fun and games, simply having your butt smacked a few good times before or during sex can increase some of the pleasurable sensations you feel below the waist. Another plus is that after a hard enough spanking, one that you feel the next morning, the increased stimulation and blood flow to that region has not gone away. For many that are really into spanking and like to be spanked hard, one of the main reasons is that as long as their bottom is feeling it, their sexual desire is increased. This is where I feel I can make a good argument that pain can really equal pleasure. After a good hard spanking, in which the next day your butt is actually sore, you experience a sort of throbbing. Your butt literally hurts, but at the same time your entire crotch is sort of pulsating with each beat of your heart. There might be some pain involved, but if there was a pill that I could take that could recreate the associated throbbing of that entire region, I would have a prescription. Pain or pleasure?
As with the other dominant and submissive acts that I described above, there can be a strong emotional and psychological element to the act of spanking. There is the strong psychological element in which one person is “taking control” in a sexually charged way. They are demonstrating that regardless of the rules of society, and what is considered socially acceptable, that in the bedroom, when the clothes come off, “I am in charge” and to a certain degree, will do “whatever I please”. Spanking can be as simple as a few smacks to her bottom while she is on top, or can take the concept of dominance and submission to new levels in which one demands their partner to pull down their pants and panties and grab their ankles for a spanking. For some, having sex with the lights on feels new and kinky, but being told to take off your clothes and in a sense be put on display with your butt in the air feels real kinky. There is a sense of being dominated when a man flips a woman over to change sexual positions, but it is a whole new world when he demands that she assume a certain position and punctuates the command with several smacks to her upturned bottom. There is a strong degree of trust, in giving yourself so fully to another. Allowing them to apply pain to intimate parts of your body demonstrates complete and total trust in them and their decisions about your health and welfare. There is a release and a strange pleasure that comes from being able to give oneself so fully to another. There is also a sense of power as well as closeness when someone allows you this sort of access to their being. Often relationships lack the intimacy that many seek, and strangely enough, this trust, dominance, and submission can create intimacy on a whole new level.
Spanking can create a sense of fun and adventure, a sense of being “naughty”, “kinky”, or “bad”. It can change a dull and somewhat routine sex life into something new and exciting. It opens the doors to playing games and assuming roles and just learning to have fun in the bedroom. It is really the next step for those who have gently experimented with some of the lighter forms of physical dominance and submission. It can turn an argument from “why are you always late” to “you need a good spanking young lady”. Anything that can turn an argument into a sense of sexual fun is a winner in my book. So relax, don’t be afraid to talk about it with your partner, those days are over. Everyone, in there own secret little way, has a desire to be dominant or submissive, and sometimes both. Don’t be afraid to buy those cute fuzzy handcuffs and see where they lead you. Remember that the words “what are you gonna do, spank me” generally means, “please God, take the hint this time”. Pull the hair a little, if she complains…then it was an accident, if she doesn’t, then pull a little harder. And ladies, while this article was written from a man’s point of view, don’t forget that he probably wants to be spanked as well and it is ok if you want to be the dominant one. It really is ok to be kinky and live out your fantasies beyond your computer screen.
Remember, spanking is a CONSENSUAL activity between two adults in a secure relationship and nothing more. It is not for children ever, even if you are their parents, teacher, or relative. It is not for your naughty wife who wants nothing to do with it. It is not for the girl you picked up in the bar that is pissing you off. Spanking anyone that does not want to be spanked is abuse and hopefully you will end up in jail as a result.
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