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Finding a spanking partner

I was asked by a good friend of mine to create a blog entry that addresses finding a spanking play partner.  This is a common request and an article I have thought about writing for some time.  I have always hesitated to do this because there are so many variables involved, that I would hate to give someone a sense of security based on my article alone.  Instead, I will address this in a question and answer format.  Please keep in mind that these are simply guidelines based on my own personal experience and none of this can replace common sense and personal instincts.

Is it safe to pursue a spanking relationship with someone I met online?

With the exception of local clubs and groups, this is one of the only ways to effectively find a partner with interests similar to your own.  With careful screening and a little common sense, I think this can lead to a mutually beneficial relationship.

Where is the best place to meet for our first play date? 

People may disagree with me on this one, but I feel that the safest place to play is at the spanker’s house.  This is the best way to make sure that the spanker has some accountability.  A first time meeting at the spankee’s house, a hotel room, or anywhere else, allows the spanker to do whatever they want and then just disappear after the session, without any sense of accountability.  If they are looking to just abuse someone, a location that cannot be tied to them is ideal for their purposes.  But a session at their house ties them to a location, should something go different than was agreed upon in advance.  In a worst case scenario, you have some place to send the police. 

Everyone seems to be a “experienced spanker”, how do I know if this is really the case? 

When I was offering discipline programs for various ladies around the country, I always provided references.  If they are experienced as they say they are, then e-mail or phone references should be an easy thing to provide.  I never once had someone I spanked that was not willing to communicate with others about their experiences.  If they have provided “safe and effective discipline” to as many people as they claim, a reference should not be too much to ask.  Keep in mind how easy it is for someone to create a free e-mail account and all of a sudden become their own references.  An “experienced” spanker will also be the one to introduce the use of a safe word.  You should purposely avoid this topic, until they introduce it.  If they never bring it up as a requirement for the first few sessions, this is not the person for you.  An experienced spanker will know that this is needed until they get a sense of how you respond to being spanked.

Should our first meeting involve a spanking?

Every person I ever met for the first time, with the thoughts of eventually spanking them, we met at a restaurant with the purpose of getting to know each other better.  Lunch was the only activity that took place at these meetings, with a spanking taking place later down the road.  Anyone that insists on the first encounter involving a spanking may not be the right person for you.

We have had our initial meeting, things went well, and I am now going to meet this person for a spanking.  What sort of precautions should I take?

The most important thing is to follow your instincts.  If something doesn’t feel right, make it clear that whatever it is, is making you feel uncomfortable.  As an extra security precaution, I feel that a cell phone, charged and ready to go is essential.  When you arrive at your destination, use your cell phone to call a friend and let them know where you are at.  Make this phone call in front of your new spanking partner.  I think a first time spanking with a new partner should only involve handspanking.  If your new partner becomes a little over zealous, they are limited in what they can do with just their hand.  Bondage is definitely out of the question until your trust this person enough to baby-sit your best friend’s children.  Through previous communication you should have established what your expectations were for this spanking.  If at any point things go in a direction differently than you planned, put a stop to it.  When I spanked new people, I used a three part safeword system.  This allowed easy communication without killing the dynamics of the scene.  “Green” was the word that they used to let me know that they expected things to be a little harder.  “Yellow” was the word to let me know that something was wrong, that was not related to the pain of the spanking, such as feeling a little dizzy, sick to their stomach, or maybe just the position was too uncomfortable.  “Red” meant the spanking needed to stop at that very minute.  I never once heard the word “red” in any real discipline spanking I administered.  If you find yourself constantly safe wording, then this person is not as experienced as they led you to believe. 

Do not let everything I have written scare you out of the experience.  Most people that I know that have met someone online for their first spanking have had a good experience.  I am merely trying to prepare you for worst case scenarios.  For the most part, people who are out there looking to spank women want to do it on more than one occasion.  They are generally just as motivated as you are for this to go well and to lead to a long term spanking relationship.  But you must always keep in mind that to a certain degree, this person’s sexual fantasies revolve around the application of pain.  Many people see a true spanking as one that is applied as a punishment and leads to tears.  As a result, communication is the key.  In this communication, you need to look for trends that lead you to believe that this person is honest.  I feel that if you discover at any point that this person has lied to you, then this is not the right person for you.  If they lied about their age or even how they look, then who knows what else they are lying about. 

You want to find someone who has at least a little experience (or is honest about the fact that they are new to the process), have been receptive to your needs, introduced the concept of a safeword themselves, and are willing to take things as slow as you need them to be.  With patience and common sense it is not all that difficult to find someone who will help you fulfill your spanking fantasies. 

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