Informative
Informative articles relating to spanking
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Finding a spanking partner
I was asked by a good friend of mine to create a blog entry that addresses finding a spanking play partner. This is a common request and an article I have thought about writing for some time. I have always hesitated to do this because there are so many variables involved, that I would hate to give someone a sense of security based on my article alone. Instead, I will address this in a question and answer format. Please keep in mind that these are simply guidelines based on my own personal experience and none of this can replace common sense and personal instincts.
Is it safe to pursue a spanking relationship with someone I met online?
With the exception of local clubs and groups, this is one of the only ways to effectively find a partner with interests similar to your own. With careful screening and a little common sense, I think this can lead to a mutually beneficial relationship.
Where is the best place to meet for our first play date?
People may disagree with me on this one, but I feel that the safest place to play is at the spanker’s house. This is the best way to make sure that the spanker has some accountability. A first time meeting at the spankee’s house, a hotel room, or anywhere else, allows the spanker to do whatever they want and then just disappear after the session, without any sense of accountability. If they are looking to just abuse someone, a location that cannot be tied to them is ideal for their purposes. But a session at their house ties them to a location, should something go different than was agreed upon in advance. In a worst case scenario, you have some place to send the police.
Everyone seems to be a “experienced spanker”, how do I know if this is really the case?
When I was offering discipline programs for various ladies around the country, I always provided references. If they are experienced as they say they are, then e-mail or phone references should be an easy thing to provide. I never once had someone I spanked that was not willing to communicate with others about their experiences. If they have provided “safe and effective discipline” to as many people as they claim, a reference should not be too much to ask. Keep in mind how easy it is for someone to create a free e-mail account and all of a sudden become their own references. An “experienced” spanker will also be the one to introduce the use of a safe word. You should purposely avoid this topic, until they introduce it. If they never bring it up as a requirement for the first few sessions, this is not the person for you. An experienced spanker will know that this is needed until they get a sense of how you respond to being spanked.
Should our first meeting involve a spanking?
Every person I ever met for the first time, with the thoughts of eventually spanking them, we met at a restaurant with the purpose of getting to know each other better. Lunch was the only activity that took place at these meetings, with a spanking taking place later down the road. Anyone that insists on the first encounter involving a spanking may not be the right person for you.
We have had our initial meeting, things went well, and I am now going to meet this person for a spanking. What sort of precautions should I take?
The most important thing is to follow your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, make it clear that whatever it is, is making you feel uncomfortable. As an extra security precaution, I feel that a cell phone, charged and ready to go is essential. When you arrive at your destination, use your cell phone to call a friend and let them know where you are at. Make this phone call in front of your new spanking partner. I think a first time spanking with a new partner should only involve handspanking. If your new partner becomes a little over zealous, they are limited in what they can do with just their hand. Bondage is definitely out of the question until your trust this person enough to baby-sit your best friend’s children. Through previous communication you should have established what your expectations were for this spanking. If at any point things go in a direction differently than you planned, put a stop to it. When I spanked new people, I used a three part safeword system. This allowed easy communication without killing the dynamics of the scene. “Green” was the word that they used to let me know that they expected things to be a little harder. “Yellow” was the word to let me know that something was wrong, that was not related to the pain of the spanking, such as feeling a little dizzy, sick to their stomach, or maybe just the position was too uncomfortable. “Red” meant the spanking needed to stop at that very minute. I never once heard the word “red” in any real discipline spanking I administered. If you find yourself constantly safe wording, then this person is not as experienced as they led you to believe.
Do not let everything I have written scare you out of the experience. Most people that I know that have met someone online for their first spanking have had a good experience. I am merely trying to prepare you for worst case scenarios. For the most part, people who are out there looking to spank women want to do it on more than one occasion. They are generally just as motivated as you are for this to go well and to lead to a long term spanking relationship. But you must always keep in mind that to a certain degree, this person’s sexual fantasies revolve around the application of pain. Many people see a true spanking as one that is applied as a punishment and leads to tears. As a result, communication is the key. In this communication, you need to look for trends that lead you to believe that this person is honest. I feel that if you discover at any point that this person has lied to you, then this is not the right person for you. If they lied about their age or even how they look, then who knows what else they are lying about.
You want to find someone who has at least a little experience (or is honest about the fact that they are new to the process), have been receptive to your needs, introduced the concept of a safeword themselves, and are willing to take things as slow as you need them to be. With patience and common sense it is not all that difficult to find someone who will help you fulfill your spanking fantasies.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Spanking, sex, and endorphins
Endorphins play an important role when dealing with spanking at the harder levels. Let’s take a quick look at what endorphins are and then we will explore the role they play in spanking. Endorphins are neurotransmitters found in the brain that have pain relieving properties similar to morphine. Endorphins interact with opiate receptor neurons in the brain and essentially block pain signals sent to the brain by the nervous system. While research on the topic is still relatively new, studies are showing that endorphins are very beneficial to our bodies. Recent studies suggest that, among other things, endorphins enhance the immune system, relieve pain, reduce stress, as well counter some of the effects of the aging process.
Most of us are most familiar with the production of endorphins as a result of heavy exercise, or as the result of physical pain. The body produces endorphins at high levels in more situations than just these. Sexual activity produces endorphins and research shows that over the course of a sexual encounter endorphin levels can increase as much as 200%. It has been suggested that the euphoric feelings that one experiences after sex are the result of high levels of endorphins running through the body. There are also foods that are tied with the production of endorphins. Eating hot chili peppers or chocolate can result in the release of endorphins. This helps to explain why some people eat chocolate during times of stress and find it to be a comfort food. While released in smaller amounts than during sex, consuming chocolate can produce enough endorphins to create a euphoric feeling.
Endorphins play an important role in spanking and may further explain why those that are not really into spanking find pleasure in having their bottom smacked during sex. As illustrated above, the production of endorphins can lead to a euphoric feeling, and a little pain mixed in with sex can go a long way to increase the pleasure. As a producer of spanking videos, endorphins play a very important role in what we do. For the models that we spank that are really into it, being sexually turned on can carry them through the harder scenes we do. Models that are not into it do not have the benefits of sexual excitement in a scene and it takes endorphins to allow them to carry on past their limits.
We are often asked how we are able to find so many young and beautiful models that will take such a hard spanking. I think one of the main reasons is that we are good at what we do and can guide just about anyone through a very hard scene. We have learned to use the concept of endorphins to our advantage. We always start each day slowly and work a model into the harder scenes. Even a moderate spanking, applied to someone’s bottom who does not like it, will produce endorphins. When it comes time to do a harder scene, the nervous system is already slightly prepared for what is to come. In addition, we have learned to recognize when the body steps things up and begins producing endorphins at very high levels. It takes practice and knowing the person you are spanking, but it is possible to visibly see the signs that let you know that endorphins are kicking in to high gear. You will often see scenes in which the model struggles hard for the first half, and even though the spanking increases in intensity, she fights the whole process less towards the end. This is a result of her body finding a way to cope with the pain by producing endorphins. By recognizing when this happens, we can take a model much farther than she really expected to be able to go. Endorphins are also responsible for the fact that immediately after an intense spanking, people report that their bottoms do not hurt as much as they expected. The surprise comes a couple of hours later when they realize that they are very sore, much more so than they expected. Once the body reduces its level of endorphin production, the true soreness from the spanking is fully realized.
There is still a lot of research to be done in this area, but there is enough of it out there currently to support what I have said. As a spanker, or a spankee, you can learn to use endorphins to your advantage. There are many people that have the desire to receive a hard spanking, but find that they can not tolerate anything more than a light spanking. This is about more than just pain tolerance; it is about being properly guided through a scene that increases in intensity. Endorphins are the reason that people can take a harder spanking after a warm-up. I feel confident that I can take anyone into spanking, regardless of their pain tolerance, to a level of intensity that they had no concept that they could achieve. I have had models work for us that at the beginning, could barely make it through a handspanking, that are now able to take a wooden paddle on the bare. Nothing happened to increase their pain tolerance, we simply got to know them better and as a result were better able to read their body language to see when the harder spanking could begin. I think many spanking producers short themselves in a big way with model selection. They hire anyone cute and then just spank the hell out of them. The ones that survive are hired again, the ones that don’t are sent packing. They do not take the time to learn how to guide someone to the level of intensity their audience wants to see. They simply end up with models who can naturally deal with a lot of pain. If they would learn more about endorphins and use it to their advantage, they would quickly find the size of their model pool increasing by 500%.
I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest something that I have never seen mentioned before. First let’s look at some of the current findings in the area of endorphin research. It has been found that endophins:
- enhance the immune system
- relieve pain
- reduce stress
- counter some of the effects of the aging process
- increase the release of sexual hormones
- cause a euphoric feeling
Now if there was a pill that could do all of the above things, I am pretty sure that doctors would prescribe it to just about everyone. You do not need a pill, you already have the prescription (your bottom) and you just need to have it filled (a spanking). If you want to better fight off illness, better deal with pain, reduce the stress of your daily life, look and feel younger, increase your sexual drive, and find a natural high without drugs or alcohol, then spanking is the cure. I propose that a spanking a day will keep the doctor away. Hmmm, maybe I need to open the first spanking therapy clinic 
.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Spanking in the real world and the roots of our spanking fantasies
By request, I am reposting this article that explores some of the more diffucult aspects of our fetish.
This is a difficult topic to explore and one that I have always had trouble putting into words. As many times as I have tried, I have never been able to articulate this point very effectively. Regardless, I thought I would go ahead and give it a shot as a blog entry. Let�s start with the difficult questions and see if we can find something resembling an answer.
Why do so many spanking videos feature situations that feel like a child in trouble getting spanked by a parent?
Why are there so many school scenes with a naughty student and a teacher or principal spanking them?
Why do we see so many people posting their true accounts of childhood spankings on the web?
Why do so many people actively seek these accounts out and read them?
Why do I blog so much about school corporal punishment and why is this one of the most requested scenes on my sites?
Why do many couples participate in �age play� in their spanking scenes?
As you can see, these are tough questions to answers. At their root, I think these are some of the things that make so many people uncomfortable about their spanking fetish. It makes them feel weird or “perverted”, so much so that they may go their entire lifetime without ever telling anyone that the concept of spanking is appealing to them. They feel like they need to just suppress these feelings and hope they go away. They assume that there must just be something wrong with them, but I would have to disagree. The Internet has made it easier for many people to realize that they are not alone out there in their “perverted” thoughts, but I think that most of us had difficulties coming to grips with it. I never once told any of my friends in school, that while they were making comments on how much they would like to have sex with a particular girl, I was thinking about bending her over and smacking her bottom with a paddle. I am sure that there are many women out there who fantasized about the captain of the football team taking her over his knee and spanking her to tears.
So what is the common thread to the questions I asked above? The common thread is that all of the above things are that they are real life spankings. I see three areas in life that real spankings take place, parental spankings, school corporal punishment, and judicial punishments. Just about any other spanking situation is between consenting adults. Sure there are a few exceptions to the rule. In the Middle East, there are many countries in which it is legal (and encouraged) for a husband to discipline his wife. From the limited information I have about this type of discipline, it seems pretty abusive. It is not a “you have been bad and have earned a punishment” type of situation, I see these situations being more related to domestic abuse, which I will never find sexy. I have seen evidence of “Christian domestic discipline” in which the couple feels that the teachings of the Bible encourage the man to physically punish his wife. This is limited enough in its use that it is foreign to most of us, so it is not the type of thing to fuel our fantasies. There are also situations like fraternity and sorority paddlings, but this falls more into the category of “hazing” and is generally not administered as a punishment. Without the punishment element, it looses a lot of what I find exciting about spanking.
Beyond what I have listed, what we are left with is consensual spanking between adults. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of excitement in consensual spanking between adults, there has to be, for the most part it is all we have to work with. But even in this context, many of us strive to create an atmosphere similar to the three areas listed above. For those not active in a spanking relationship, they often seek out content that has the feel of the above three areas. Why is this? To understand we need to look at spanking at its very core. Let’s take a look at spanking in the minds of people who do not eroticize it in any way. Consider what a 12 year old would tell you about what a spanking is. I think any of the following would be accurate quotes:
“It hurts”, “it is done to teach you a lesson”, “it happens when I get in trouble”, “it makes you cry”, “I do not ever want another one”, “it makes my bottom sore”, “it makes me behave”.
In general we have a situation in which someone has clearly committed an offense and they are then physically punished for it. In these real life situations the person in trouble has no control over when, where, how, with what, or for how long they are spanked. They are simply in a situation that they have no control over and it is their own actions that led them there. For the most part, the goal of this spanking is to produce a sore bottom, often to produce tears, and to teach a very real lesson. Another very key point is that this spanking is non-consensual. In real life spanking situations the person, if given the choice, would not want to be spanked. In the case of school corporal punishment, many times people elect to be spanked, but this is only because they find the alternative to the spanking to be worse.
I think the fact that many people look for spanking videos, pictures, and stories that focus on discipline of this type is normal. They are looking to see spanking presented in a way that seems real. Does this mean that we want to see children spanked? Absolutely not. There are so many ways to discipline children that are more effective than spanking. But there are limited situation in which real spankings take place. A logical place to look would be in the realm of judicial punishments. In reality, there is nothing sexy or exciting about judicial punishments in my eyes. I have seen pictures that show the results of real judicial punishments and there is nothing exciting about them. It is almost torture and in many cases the skin is ripped off the body with every stroke leading to permanent scaring. I like strict punishments, but at this level, it does nothing for me. So for me, when considering real spankings in the real world, there are parental punishments and school punishments. Do I think that either should really take place? No. Do I like to read true accounts of these things taking place? Guilty.
Why do we not find the same appeal when considering consensual spanking between adults? I think it is because we loose an element of realism and move a little away from what I find to be the root of spanking. Do we have situations in which one person is really in trouble and is really being punished in these relationships? Yes, but in most cases, one or both of the people involved find sexual excitement from this situation. This does not make it hurt any less, but it does reduce some of the dynamics that I find so appealing. Punishment or not, at some point the person being spanked expressed a desire to be spanked. As much as they may hate it at the time, at some point before or after, they fantasized about being spanked. For me, the concept of them wanting it, takes a bit away from the whole dynamic. A punishment that is desired is not really a punishment in my eyes. I think this is why you see me writing so frequently about additional things to add to a punishment beyond the spanking. I am trying to introduce elements that decrease their enjoyment of the punishment, thus increasing the realism.
I think another aspect that makes us attracted to the parental element of a spanking is unconditional love. While it exists in some relationships, it is probably not to the same degree as it does in a parent child relationship. I feel that, especially for women, there is a strong sense of feeling protected and safe that comes from parental discipline. Even when in trouble and being punished, there is a strong feeling of being taken care of. They find a sense of security from someone that is willing to discipline them, even when they do not want to, in order to help them become a better person. Some couples are able to achieve this dynamic, but not without introducing at least a small sexual element. I think the bond created is strong enough that there are many straight men out there looking for male/male spanking as adults. There was something that they felt while being punished growing up that they are looking to recreate as adults. It is not just the physical sensations that they are looking to find again, it goes well beyond that.
I think another big influence is the age at which we found the thoughts of spanking exciting. For me, and I suspect many others, my attraction to spanking came at a very early age. Thinking about spanking excited me, well before I ever found women sexually attractive. At that age, I had no concept of consensual adult spanking and all I had to work with was spanking in the real world. Before the day of the Internet, I had very little to work with. The only real contact I had with spanking (being that my parents did not spank me) was the paddling that took place in my school and the spankings that took place in my neighborhood. I went out of my way to casually obtain information about the girls in my neighborhood and school getting spanked. At this point in my life, this was all I knew in regards to spanking and I couldn�t get enough of it. I lived in a state and town in which spanking was very common and while sometimes embarrassed, many people would talk about it because it was just part of their everyday life. It left me in a situation of fantasizing about either spanking these girls, or watching them getting spanked. In my prepubescent state, there was no sexual interaction in these fantasies, it was all about punishments. This was the early attraction for me, so I think it makes sense that this is still the attraction.
I think that if there were more real world instances of adults being spanked as a punishment, that we could easily adjust what we like to read about or see depicted on video. I do not think the common thread in my questions asked above is the fact that these are children being spanked. I think that the common thread is reality. If there were more real world occurrences of real spankings between adults that we would naturally add these to the list of things we like to read about or see depicted in spanking media. But because instances such as these are few and far between, we revert back to what originally sparked our interests in spanking while growing up.
For me, I think to a certain degree, some of what I am saying is why I find the concept of school corporal punishment exciting. This is also why I focus so much on school paddling that takes place at the high school level. I think that in some way, I feel less guilty about finding these things exciting when we are discussing almost fully grown women. There are many girls that are 18 and seniors in high school that are still paddled. This is as close as I can get to a real world spanking that involves someone that is not a child. I think that this is mentally easier for me to swallow than the thought of a grade school child being spanked. There is less mental conflict for me when I consider a fully developed woman electing to take a paddling as her punishment. This still has all of the real world elements that I find exciting, but does not make me feel so weird about it. This alone helps solidify my thoughts that if there were more real world instances of adults being spanked as a punishment, then our attention would shift to these situations. One of the first spanking scenes I ever saw in the media was the strapping in the mainstream movie “Tank”. I still think this scene is fantastic and there was nothing at all that gave it the feel of a child being punished. What it did was present a spanking as a punishment, to an adult woman, in a very realistic way, and for realistic reasons.
You will notice that in the feature length films that I have shot, I try provide content that shows legal aged adults being punished in a situation that seems at least a little plausible. This was the whole basis for the “RS Institute of Learning” website. I tried to create a realistic situation that allows for the spanking of adults. In the movies “Friday Punishments”, “the RS Institute Road Trip”, and “Maid for Punishment” there is nothing to imply that these are teenage girls. Instead, I wrote scripts based on legal aged girls being spanked in real life situations that only require a small suspension of disbelief.
You will often see me writing about childhood related punishments on this blog. You will read my thoughts on school corporal punishment, you will read some of the many accounts that I have heard about people getting spanked growing up. Because of the metal conflict involved, you will rarely read anything I have written than involves the spanking of young children. Instead, my focus in generally on people who were punished well into their teen years. Once again, while I liked hearing about these things growing up and I still like reading about them now, I am opposed to the concept of spanking children in general. If I witnessed a man in a parking lot smacking his young daughter forcefully on the bottom in an abusive manner, would I find it exciting? I do not think so. Instead, I feel my initial instinct would be to smack the shit out of him and tell him to pick on someone his own size. While there are some things I like to read about, the thought of it actually happening often makes my stomach turn, thus bringing me once again to a conflicted state of mind.
It is not always easy being into spanking. The roots of our fetish, while easier to justify at a young age, becoming increasingly difficult thoughts to rationalize as adults. What we found exciting as teens, makes us feel like perverts as adults. With my business, I have been forced to come to grips with all of this. Several times a week I am in a situation of explaining to new models why we film the types of scenes that we do. I try to explain why our scenes often have a domestic feel, while at the same time trying not to weird them out. I also try to explain that even though our scenes have a domestic feel to them, that we never have anyone call the spanker “mommy” or “daddy”. Legally, I can present a girl on video as any age that I want. We can legally do “mommy/daddy” scenes, but I do not allow it. Once again, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know this is what many people want to see (it is probably our number one request) but I just can’t force myself to do it. Once again, there is just too much mental conflict involved and it makes me uncomfortable.
In closing, I do not think that if you find yourself attracted to reading true accounts of childhood spanking that you are a pedophile. I do not think that finding yourself turned on by a spanking video in which it appears as though a teen girl is being punished by her father is all that weird. The attraction and excitement is not a product of this seeming like a child being punished, it is a product of the scene having a sense of reality to it. At its very core a spanking is a painful punishment that is meant to teach a lesson, one that the person being spanked has little or no control over. As adults into spanking, this is all that we are mentally looking for, and the age of the recipient has little or no bearing on this situation. But the reality of our world provides very few instances of this happening to adults, so we allow ourselves to push age aside and get caught up in the reality of the situation. Once again, a tough topic to discuss and even harder to rationalize, but I believe there is great truth to the points I have made. I hope that at least on some level this helps people cope with some of the more difficult aspects of their fetish.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Domestic Discipline
Beginning a disciplinary relationship with your partner
Domestic discipline is a term used to describe a disciplinary relationship that exists between a consenting couple. Historically relationships such as these have existed throughout history, but in most cases this was not a consensual relationship. Countries in the Middle East still have relationships such as these today. For this purposes of this post, I am talking about two adults who have decided to add domestic discipline into their relationship. There are several different motivating factors for entering into a relationship such as this. One of the first is to spice up someone’s sex life. Generally in a relationship such as this, both partners are into spanking. As an adult there are very few situations in which a spanking is real, and not done in some sort of fantasy scenario. While role playing is fun, there is still something lacking in regards to authenticity. For many, spanking goes well beyond just having their butt smacked, for them there is an important emotional exchange that is required and a strong feeling of actually being in trouble. Most situations that can lead to part of a couple “being in trouble� generally just leads to a verbal argument. In a domestic discipline relationship, being in trouble leads to being punished. By having offenses that can be committed that can lead to be spanked to tears, a spanking relationship can be spiced up in a very big way. No longer does he or she need to play the naughty schoolgirl/boy and pretend to be bad, one must just commit an offense that they know will lead to a spanking and then they will really be in trouble. Some couples take it to the next level and try to integrate the punishments into changing undesirable behaviors. I know many people who are currently motivated to work out, stop procrastinating, quit smoking, and many other things because they know the result will be corporal punishment.
To enter into a relationship like this can be a very delicate balance. If you are not careful, it becomes easy for the person in the power position to just try and make anything that annoys them a punishable offense. This can quickly lead to hard feelings and is not the way to approach the whole thing. I think the most effective way to begin a relationship such as this, is to enter into and sign a disciplinary agreement. Before the whole process even begins the couple needs to sit down and commit some things to paper that they are both in agreement about. A list of offenses that can lead to being punished needs to be put on paper. The whole process should start simple with just a few offenses that both agree upon. Things that are a constant source of conflict should be avoided. Start with things like being on time, not putting gas in the car, or not going to the gym, and avoid things like spending and money. It sometimes makes things easier if the punishment is agreed upon in advance as well. It also needs to be decided if the punishment is being applied to add some spice or if you are really trying to extinguish bad behaviors. Clearly, when trying to eliminate bad behaviors through spanking, with someone who enjoys being spanked, you have your work cut out for you. I will dedicate a later post exclusively to the topic of effectively punishing someone who likes to be spanked. If it is being done to get real results, the spanking is going to have to be hard one with additional elements that you know the person being punished will not enjoy. I think there should always be special considerations for the times in which it was clear that the person got in trouble on purpose, just to be spanked.
As you make progress and grow comfortable with this new relationship, you can begin to expand on the offenses included on the list. This is the time to allow the person responsible for their behavior, to try and list things they do that they wish they did not. With the right disciplinarian, personal growth is often very obtainable. Regardless of what you come up with between the two of you, domestic discipline can really add to what is often missing in a spanking relationship. It takes spanking back to a disciplinary process and creates more of a cause and effect situation in regards to behavior. Nothing makes someone feel young and naughty again than committing an offense that they know will lead to their bare bottom in the air, an implement used effectively, and the possibility of it all ending in tears.