Spanking, Severity, and Real Life
I received a recent email that basically said that I was a douchebag that simply got off on beating defenseless women to tears. His point was that I was ruining the spanking scene for many people out there as it is hard to get someone to want to be spanked, after they have seen any of my videos. It is in his opinion, the severity of my videos is quite simply turning off potential women for him to spank. I thought I would run with this idea and further discuss my feelings on spanking and severity.
I fully understand that for many people, spanking is a fun and sexy little game that they like to play with someone close to them, and in a very sexual manner. I get it, I understand, but there is no part of that which really turns me on. I guess that is not fully true, as I am a man (an ass man at that), and any sort of access to a woman’s lovely bottom will always be exciting for me. But fun, playful, pitty pat little spankings fall into the same category as rubbing, touching, and squeezing a lovely bottom. But none of this plays at all into my fetish.
I have spent many years not only coming to grips with my fetish, but often trying to put this fetish into words for others to read. It is difficult at best to try and explain all of the little dynamics that make spanking exciting to me, and I often fail miserably trying to put it into words. To touch on the point the gentleman that wrote me was trying to say, for me it is not always about severity, it is about reality. It is about the root of spanking, why it exists, and corporal punishment at its core. When I was in elementary school and realized what a powerful effect spanking had on me, it had nothing to do with fun and playful spankings between consenting partners as a precursor to a sexual act. It had everything to do with how I felt when I realized the cute little girl next door would get her bottom spanked with a wooden spoon when she was naughty.
At the very root of all of this was a cause and effect situation, in which someone’s behavior could indeed result in a part of their body, one that no one was really allowed to see or touch, to be exposed to be spanked. There was a single purpose to this process, to provide pain to the bottom in a serious enough manner to discourage the person from engaging in that behavior again. My experience with all of this, and the experiences I am aware of from my childhood friends, is that the other goal from this process was tears. I cannot think of a single childhood experience that I am personally aware of in which a parent did not spank their child to tears. At the very root of spanking, over many generations, tears always have been the goal of any disciplinary spanking. From my childhood perspective, there were no other spanking in the world that existed except disciplinary.
Yes, I have grown older, and yes, there are various manners in which adults can engage in spanking that are far different from what happened during our childhoods. I also quite sure that if I was not in the position I am in now in my life, that I would take whatever I can get when it comes to spanking play and be quite happy with it. But I have lived a somewhat unique life in which spanking has always been a pretty central part of it. This has not only allowed me to spank basically who I want, however I want on film, but it has allowed me some very unique opportunities in my private life. I have been lucky enough at times in my life, to be sought out by women from around the world that were seeking the kind of discipline experience they knew I can provide.
I believe the reason that I am so frequently contacted by women in need of some discipline, is that they feel exactly how I do about the whole concept of spanking. Speaking to the original email that I was sent, I have never been in a situation in which I need to try and convince a potential girlfriend that spanking would be fun and something we should add to our sexual play. For me it is actually quite the opposite, and for the most part, spanking in my life generally does not have a sexual component. Yes, spanking turns me on and plays a very real role in the fantasies in my head. The women that I have spanked over my lifetime also have a very strong spanking fetish and spend their days masturbating to the thought of being spanked. But to be quite honest, I cannot think of a spanking I have administered in the last ten years in which my penis was even remotely involved. This is 100% because what I like the most about spanking is the discipline and not the sexual component.
So I guess the next question is, why do the spankings have to be so severe? First of all severity is quite subjective and a 10 on one person’s pain scale may be a 3 for someone else. It has very little to do with how hard I am actually spanking and has everything to do with how much it hurts the person being spanked. In my personal life, if I am going to take the time to spank someone, for actual issues or transgressions in their life, I am going to make it a real punishment. We are not talking about my little next door neighbor anymore, in which a dozen smacks with a wooden spoon is going to do the trick. We are talking about grown women, who for the most part, are seeing me for very real problems that need to be addressed. On top of that, these are women who want to actually be punished, but on another level, this is the thing that turns them on the most. I need to make sure that the experience cannot not at all be confused as being a reward. I need for this punishment to be an experience, as much as they masturbated both before and after the spanking, that would not likely to want to repeat.
One of the primary ways that this is accomplished is through severity. Yes, I add many things that make the overall experience suck like forced nudity, corner time, and maybe even some chores, but the biggest deciding factor regarding their future behavior is the severity of the spanking. I am not the guy that stops a spanking once tears begin; I see that as the starting place. This women have come to me to actually help them either relieve guilt from a previous behavior, or to prevent that behavior from occurring ever again. This is not accomplished, especially when spanking someone with a spanking fetish, by a couple minute handspanking over my knee. This is also not accomplished by some sort of long warm-up that allows their body to slowly adapt to the pain they are receiving. It is accomplished by overwhelming their senses and quickly taking them well beyond what they can handle. A warm glow to their bottom that just makes them feel all turned on, does nothing to change behavior. Them wanting it to stop from the very first to the very last stroke is where a place where change comes from.
I have also received criticism about how horrible and ugly I make the bottoms look as a result of bruising. For me, bruising is a very effective tool that I utilize often. It serves many purposes, but in the initial stages it is a visual indicator for me that I am making progress. I have spoken many times to the fact that I feel a proper punishment lasts well beyond the spanking itself. While I am applying the punishment, bruises show me, not only that the bottom is going to be sore after I am through, but where it is going to be sore. My goal is always to make sure that sitting is as issue for the young lady in question, hopefully for at least a couple of days. Bruises allow me to “check my work” as I go and make sure that the part of her bottom that will touch a chair is in the correct state in which learning will continue to take place for a given period of time.
On her end, bruises serve a couple of purposes. As I just stated, a bruised bottom is a sore bottom. I truly want her to have a couple of days of hell when it comes to sitting down. There will always be a little excitement for a young lady with a spanking fetish to have a freshly spanked bottom. But the next day, when the endorphins are gone, she is not “in trouble” and being lectured, a bruised and sore bottom is exactly that. I want her squirming in her office chair, eventually learning that there is no comfortable position that takes the pain away. I want her to be reminded of her previous behavior as she goes about every part of her day. I want it to hurt to sit, to walk, and to use the toilet. I want her to have a restless night of sleep as the continual throbbing of her bottom continues to wake her up. I also want her to have a visual reminder of her behavior. I want her to look at her bruised bottom in the mirror and to know that she created that. It was not just my spanking that left her bottom in that state; it was her choices, decisions, and actions that are responsible for what she sees.
Now in the email he was clearly speaking about the severity of the videos that I film for my various websites. Clearly this is a much different situation than a young lady coming to me for very real offenses she has committed in her personal life. Now we are forced to deal with fantasy and role play, it is what it is. The thing I have always tried to create in my videos is exactly how I utilize spanking in my private life and what spanking is at its very core. My scenes go back to what I explained at the very beginning, a cause and effect relationship. I produce scenarios in which someone has done something that they clearly knew was wrong, and on top of that, they likely knew what that behavior would result in. While there is an awful lot of fantasy involved in the RSI videos, I try my very best to make most scenes realistic.
Just as in my personal life, the women that are being spanked in my videos are no longer the age of my little next door neighbor. These are grown women, and if I am going to produce a scene that is highly realistic, then the spankings need to be real. These are paid models, and for the most part have done nothing to deserve the spanking, so I do indeed have to take their personal limits and tolerances into consideration. But everyone comes here fully informed and knows that after their first few spankings at my hands that the realism factor is going to be ramped up. They know that I will be finding their limits and I will indeed be exceeding them. On and off camera I like real spankings, and for the most part, I believe our typical members like the same thing. A real punishment spanking involves being taken beyond what she would gladly accept. I have worked out a system over the years of interviewing and hiring the right girls for the job, ones that are willing to be taken to that place. They may not actually deserve it, but we are providing a service for our members, so these girls are well compensated to be taken to this place that is beyond what they can take.
So I do not really get off on making girls cry and turning their bottoms black and blue. In my private life however, I do enjoy being the person that has been trusted and charged with providing the discipline that someone has earned. Them having earned it is everything to me. In the last ten years I have never once given a private spanking to someone who just wanted to know what it was like. Nor have I spanked someone just because they trusted me to give them the most severe spanking ever. I have however bruised and blistered many bottom of those behavior required it. I have been more than happy to spank someone until the crying actually stops in order to change a behavior in their life that was dangerous. On a couple of occasion I provided a much needed service for young ladies who made poor choices and ended up with a DUI. I did not “beat a defenseless women to tears”, I punished someone who needed it, whose behavior required it, and made sure that a few days were spent on their bellies with an icepack on their bottoms to make sure that they never did it again.
Comments:I completely agree with you. It's all about discipline that is realistic and effectively administered. A spanking is meant to be a punishment and it has to hurt in order to be effective. If it didn't hurt what good would it do? It has to hurt, hurt a lot so that a lesson is learned and in all probability the behavior that earned the spanking is not repeated or they will think twice before committing the offence again. Keep up the good work.
I applaud you for your writing. You have absolutely hit the nail on the head as far as my personal feelings regarding spanking, pain, and severity. I too have always been an "ass man" and have had spanking-related fantasies since I have been at least 5 years old. Unlike you I was not spanked, not formally anyway, growing up but all of my friends were and to hear them talk about their spankings (and see and hear the ones given to my friends who lived next door) was always a subject of fascination and, when puberty set in, became my primary sexual fetish. Unlike yourself I did not give my first real spanking until I was 34 (I am 55 now) and sadly never included it in my marriage as my wife doesn't get it. I do all of my spanking outside my marriage and, like you it seems, do not include sex as part of the spanking session. I get terribly aroused by thinking about it, and actually doing it, but I don't seek sexual release with the person whose behind I just roasted. I am sure you are far too busy to chat with each person who admires your work, and the sore bottoms of your female models, but if you ever did want to chat I'd certainly be agreeable. I am one of your many "friends" on fetlife and I also chat on yahoo IM as Seatscorcher.
Thank you for all you do for we spankophiles around the world.
As far as discipline goes it has been my personal experience that when a lady wants to experience a discipline session she is trying some sort of emotional release, be it from guilt or for personal reasons to many to list. In the end it is THEIR choice. How does that make you, me, or anyone else a douche unless their trust and limits are violated?
The comments models make about their experiences shooting with you is how comfortable and accommodating you are. If they are happy who has the right to protest a PAY site? If you do not like the forum or Blogs simply do not go there.
Sounds like simply jealousy to me.