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Sexual Discipline

I have had several inquiries over the last few months regarding “sexual discipline” and what I recommend or have experience administering myself.  First, I must say that within the context of private discipline sessions that I conduct, there is never anything relating to pain applied anywhere but to a young lady’s bottom or the top of her thighs.  There may be positions, or time outs, that cause some general fatigue or soreness, but I never target an erogenous zone when administering a spanking for discipline purposes. 

As it is indeed difficult to try to come up with any new topic after more than a decade of blogging, today I will stray from my norm and address some of the recent emails.  The only time that I have utilized any sort of punishment, that is sexual in nature, has only taken place within relationships in which there was intimacy. This have included past girlfriends, or the occasional “slave girl weekend” in Vegas.  In these situations, obviously with other consenting adults, it has been fun to add a little flavor into the spanking mix and to find creative ways to administer discipline.  While I do find certain aspects of BDSM to be fun, it has never really been my thing.  To tie someone up tightly, and then basically roughly play with parts of their anatomy, just has not even fully done it for me.  But if there has been an infraction of some sort, and a punishment is required, I do not mind pulling from the BDSM bag of tricks in order to be creative.

The go to for me is generally the use of a butt plug as a form of “sexual discipline”. 

I have had several inquiries over the last few months regarding “sexual discipline” and what I recommend or have experience administering myself.  First, I must say that within the context of private discipline sessions that I conduct, there is never anything relating to pain applied anywhere but to a young lady’s bottom or the top of her thighs.  There may be positions, or time outs, that cause some general fatigue or soreness, but I never target an erogenous zone when administering a spanking for discipline purposes. 

As it is indeed difficult to try to come up with any new topic after more than a decade of blogging, today I will stray from my norm and address some of the recent emails.  The only time that I have utilized any sort of punishment, that is sexual in nature, has only taken place within relationships in which there was intimacy. This have included past girlfriends, or the occasional “slave girl weekend” in Vegas.  In these situations, obviously with other consenting adults, it has been fun to add a little flavor into the spanking mix and to find creative ways to administer discipline.  While I do find certain aspects of BDSM to be fun, it has never really been my thing.  To tie someone up tightly, and then basically roughly play with parts of their anatomy, just has not even fully done it for me.  But if there has been an infraction of some sort, and a punishment is required, I do not mind pulling from the BDSM bag of tricks in order to be creative.

The go to for me is generally the use of a butt plug as a form of “sexual discipline”.  I cannot recall a Vegas trip for a little fun and discipline, in which I did not bring, or purchase there, a wide variety of sizes to use for discipline.  Just as with the act of spanking, the use of a butt plug quickly establishes control.  When you demand that a woman remove her clothing, bend over, and insert a plug into her bottom, there is no doubt who is in control.  There is a very real sense of ownership when you have such access to such a personal and private part of someone.  Beyond the level of intimacy and control, it really can be quite the effective punishment.

I find the punishment to be far more effective to start at the very beginning, in which she has engaged in some sort of behavior that might require anal discipline.  It is explained to her in a very calm manner what she has done and why anal discipline is required, and then she is driven to an adult toy store.  She is given cash and the instructions to go inside and buy 8 different sized butt plugs, with the smallest being the diameter of her thumb, and then each one bigger than the last.  This tends to be effective on a couple of different levels.  In many ways it is the same as having someone choose the spanking implement to be used on them.  As she picks up each plug she is forced to consider exactly how that will feel inside of her.  Even for those women that like anal sex, a large butt plug can be quite intimidating.  A further element to this process is a young lady in a porn store, filling a basket with oversized butt plugs.  The embarrassment factor is quite high as she goes to the register to check out and the punishment has already begun.

When choosing a plug to use, there are a few factors to consider.  If she is brand new to anything anal, a plug of any size will create the right amount of discomfort.  Certainly a little bit of lube should be used to allow it to go easily into place.  For someone with a little more experience, then a larger size should be considered.  The goal is indeed to have a plug in place that she is not happy about it being there.  Size should also be in direct proportion to the offense.  Shape is also a factor as some plugs just do not stay in place very well. You want to use a butt plug that once inserted; it will not come out until it is removed on purpose.  This is quite important as I do not see a butt plug as something that is only used while someone is sitting around the house or in a suite at the Bellagio. I find a butt plug serves the same purpose as a hard spanking that leaves someone’s bottom sore the next day…it is a constant reminder.

Here is a good example of what I see the proper use of a butt plug to be.  At lunch, at a very nice restaurant in a very high class casino, my date engages in some questionable behavior.  It may be her manners, or use of vulgar language, or really anything that has been made very clear to her that it is not allowed.  That certain look during the meal will alert her to the fact that there is an issue that will be addressed back at the room.  Clearly a spanking of some sort will be administered, that is a given, and obviously there will be some tears.  But as we prepare for a dinner at a four star restaurant it is clear that she will require an additional reminder as to how to act like a proper lady at dinner.  As she is doing her hair and makeup, I simply walk into the bathroom with the assortment of plugs that she had purchased the previous day.  I find the largest one that I think that she can handle, and then choose the next size up.  I leave her with the plug and a little lube and tell her that she will be “wearing” this for dinner.

The insertion of the plug in itself is a bit of a punishment, and it is often something I would prefer she does herself.  It allows her to take full ownership of her behavior and the resulting punishment.  Yes, I have ordered the punishment but the rest is up to her.  A butt plug punishment lasts well beyond the most painful part, which is the insertion.  It provides a constant reminder of her previous behavior and there will not be a single moment during dinner in which she forgets that it is there.  Just as with a sore bottom from a spanking, the point can be further emphasized by asking to be seated on hard wooden seats and not in a padded booth.  It is essential, that when she was required to insert the butt plug in the first place, that it was made very clear what behavior she engaged in that resulted in this.  You want her thinking about what she did, for the duration of the meal, to be sure that it does not occur again.  Also keep in mind that if this is to be a punishment that lasts longer than the course of a meal, that the bottom does indeed begin to accommodate such things.  A quick trip back to the room, before any shows or table games, might be required in order for an upgrade in size. Remember, the punishment needs to fit the offense and if she was a very naughty girl, then she needs a plug that will keep her completely focused at all times.  If it seems that she has lost her focus, well then that plug is not big enough.

For the home environment I have found that it can be handy to also utilize some sort of chastity device to assure the plug stays in place for a designated amount of time.  The use of such a device is limited as it also restricts her ability to use the rest room (something you would not want to limit over too long of a period of time as there are health risks), but it can be used for a couple hours at a time.  Consider that purchase, of those shoes or purse that she knew were far too expensive.  It was a discussion that had already taken place but she let manic behavior get the best of her in a moment of weakness and the purchase was made anyway.  Clearly there will be spanking involved and clearly the purchase is going to be returned, but I think it is best if the return is made in a way that there will always be an association in her mind that goes with purchasing things that are far too expensive after that conversation has already taken place.  This device:

In conjunction with a butt plug one size bigger than she has ever felt, will assure that her return shopping experience is memorable.  The beauty of this restraint is that it will be locked onto her body and it cannot be removed without the key.  She is allowed to go to the rest room and then she is required to insert the plug that has been chosen.  If there is not a verbal reaction as the plug is going in, then the wrong plug was chosen. Once inserted, it is locked into place and you can be assured it will be with her for the duration of her shopping experience.  This is really a highly effective form of discipline as there will not be a moment in which she is not thinking about what is happening and why.  The car ride will be a memorable experience that is for sure.  Walking through the parking lot of the mall will be a memorable experience. Not only does she have a large butt plug in her bottom, but if you secured the chastity device as tight as it should be, with every step it will enhance the overall experience, by providing additional discomfort.  If everything has been done properly, she honestly will not be able to return the item quick enough.  All she will want is to get it out of her possession so she can get back home.  It really is a good teaching moment and one that live with her for months, if not years to come. 

The use of butt plugs is my very favorite form of “sexual discipline” but there are other things I enjoy in the privacy of my home as well.  While I have always made it clear that I am not a sadist and there is really no joy that comes from providing pain to another human being, if I am being fully honest, there is an activity that I have engaged in that I really do enjoy that turns me on very much.  I do not recall if I have ever written about this in the past, but if we are exploring “sexual discipline” then I might as well come clean.  I have had previous relationships in which I have explored the general concept of a 24/7 D/s relationship.  While I have never been big on the full on “Master/slave” sort of dynamic, I have indeed explored relationships that allowed full control of another individual.  Within that dynamic I have used orgasm control as a form of discipline and I find it to be quite enjoyable (for me anyway).

I am not speaking of simply telling someone when they can or cannot have an orgasm (which is certainly part of it) but I am talking about denying an orgasm as a form of punishment.  But as with anything else that I do that is disciplinary in nature, I tend to try and find a way to add a bit of severity to the punishment.  Telling someone that they cannot masturbate or engage in any activity that could induce an orgasm is one thing, but I am talking about making that situation far worse.  If a young lady has engaged in a behavior that requires her to be punished, and that punishment is the denial of an orgasm for a designated period of time, I will do everything in my power to make sure that this is a very difficult experience, thus increasing the effectiveness of the punishment. This is easily accomplished by requiring her to masturbate, several times a day, in my presence.  Obviously, this masturbation can never lead to an orgasm, but it is her job as part of the punishment, to get as close as possible each and every time.  Clearly if she actually had an orgasm, it would result in the worst punishment she could ever imagine, and that needs to be made clear from the beginning. Yes, this process will allow her some pleasure while she is masturbating, but requiring her to stop early is in itself a punishment.  It will not feel like a punishment for the first few times, over the first few days, but as each day passes, with her having masturbated to the very edge of orgasm several times a day, it begins to become a very effective punishment. Spread this entire experience out over the course of a week (or longer if this situation calls for it) and you will have a very sorry young lady on your hands.  I have even supplemented with required reading of her favorite erotic novel, or required viewing of videos that I know will just send her over the top.  In the past I have had a particular young lady beg me to punish her in any way, no matter how severe, if I will let her achieve an orgasm.  I do not know about you, but that sounds like someone who needs another week orgasm free with double the masturbation schedule.

Obviously when we are discussing sexual discipline we are basically talking about the application of pain to a part of the body that is typically an erogenous zone.  I have never been one that did much in the way of spanking or whipping the vagina or clitoris.  I may have been guilty from time to time in visiting that area with a riding crop, but I would not consider anything done in that region to be disciplinary in nature. I have on occasion put a crotch rope into play as a means of punishment.  As with the butt plug, this really helps to serve as a reminder of bad behavior. I have used this in a manner in which the naughty lady in question was required to wear it underneath her normal clothes while she goes about her day to day duties, and typically in a public setting.  I like to tie it quite tight and I always tie a single or double knot in the place where it makes contact with her clit.  This is also quite an effective way to hold a butt plug in place.  While I am not big on bondage for just bondage’s sake, I have used bondage as a disciplinary tool.  On these occasions I have also used a crotch rope that goes from her waist, underneath her crotch, and then up to a pulley in the ceiling. With lots of tension applied, this forces her up onto her tiptoes.  It then becomes a challenge between the pain in her calves and the pain she is feeling between her legs.  She will be forced to relax her calves at times, taking the full pressure of the rope on her clit and vagina causing considerable discomfort, and then will eventually have to commit to getting some relief by going back onto her tiptoes. If done properly and for a long enough period of time, a punishment such as this can be almost as effective as a spanking in that it is not a punishment she would choose to repeat anytime soon.

The next logical location on the female anatomy for sexual discipline is the breasts and nipples.  I have utilized both these locations as a means to punish a deserving woman in the past.  Nipple clamps are an obvious choice as a tool to create a painful stimulus, and with the use of weights it is easy to increase the learning that takes place.  An added bonus to the use of nipple clamps is that they hurt going on, they create long term pain while left in place, and then hurt the very most when they are removed. I cannot say that I have ever decided someone needed to be punished and simply said “go get the nipple clamps”, but they can be an effective addition to a simultaneous punishment such as the crotch rope. 

As with the vagina, I do not typically use the breasts as a focal point for corporal punishment.  Any hard swat someone receives from me is typically going to be on their bottom.  It is simply the safest area to punish with any sort of force and it is effective.  This is not to say that I have never included the breasts when administering discipline, but it tends to be supplemental to something else that is going on.  Something I do have a fondness for is tightly tying a woman’s breast.  Alone it does not really serve as much of a punishment, as it is more a general discomfort than pain, but I really like the visual presentation of tightly tied titties.  The most effective way to turn tied breasts into a punishment is to require her to lay flat over a table or a hard surface, with her hands behind her back.  This puts the full weight of her upper body onto her breasts and the discomfort quickly becomes a much more painful sensation.  When a spanking is not going to be enough, I have tied breasts and put someone into this position for the duration of the spanking.  For anyone that is used to being spanked on a regular basis, a spanking in this position becomes a much more memorable event.  Tied breasts can also greatly enhance the application of nipple clamps.  I used to play a little after hours at the studio with certain models and I often tied their breasts and even used suction devices on their nipples and entire breasts.  I took thousands of pictures, but they were never for use on a website.  Some of the pictures from today’s post are from those private fun sessions.

In my opinion the application of corporal punishment to a female’s bottom is, and will always be, the most effective form of discipline for changing behavior and for teaching a proper lesson.  I believe that someone who serves as a disciplinarian for someone that they are not in a sexual relationship with should stick with good old fashioned spanking.  A proper punishment session should not be overtly sexual (more so that it already is) and should avoid the erogenous zones.  But within a relationship that does involve lots of sex and spanking, it is sometimes nice to be creative and to add something new.  Through the creative application of sexual discipline new lessons can indeed be learned.

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